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6th-Dec-2010 05:21 pm(no subject)
alexa, field
I am finding things tough at the moment. I will put this under a cut because it's pretty whiney and self-pitying.

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17th-Nov-2010 07:02 pm - privilege
alexa, field
"Privilege denying guy" has made me think about this privilege concept that I vaguely know about through some of my LJ friends. There's stuff I don't quite get about it. Please try to be easy on me if I say something that's ignorant and unintentionally offensive. I am telling you to start with that I am ignorant!

I guess I think of privilege as being a minority thing, only a few are privileged. There I think of things like wealth or status, possibly intelligence. I do understand and accept the idea of male privilege - which just less than a half of people have. Cis privilege jars a bit for me, because we're starting to get into the realms of a very large majority having the privilege. To me, it's more like transgender people are dis-privileged (because of the associated difficulties due the majority of societies' ignorance) and I am neither privileged nor disprivileged. I can see that logically privilege is relative, so if someone is disprivileged, everyone else is relatively privileged... but only in that they are not disprivileged. There is no positive privilege in some cases, just absence of disprivilege. With wealth, that's a positive privilege, so easier to grasp.

OK, so... everyone in the world has state A. Then suddenly one person converts to having dis-privilege A-. At that point, does everyone else become A+ - privileged - on that front? And they should all be sure to appreciate that privilege? To me, there should be privilege, no privilege and dis-privilege!

That leads me on to something else. I can't think of an example of a time when I have experienced gender dis-privilege on account of being a female. Perhaps there are males who have not actually had any advantages, any privilege, as the result of being male. But yet, apparently, all men have gender privilege... even if their gender actually never has any effect on how they are treated???
9th-Sep-2010 01:16 pm - BiCon 2011
alexa, field
I see that BiCon 2011 is already bookable. Have any of you booked yet?

I definitely want to go and will try very hard to see off obstacles (such as the fact that I should be submitting my thesis around October :-( ).

I am not sure whether I would like a party flat or a quiet one. I suppose a party one, and I'll bring ear plugs just in case - best of both worlds!

Would anyone be interested in sharing a flat with me? (I am perfectly prepared for receiving no offers here, as I've barely had any contact with any of you since BiCon 2009!)
5th-Sep-2010 12:18 pm - dreamwidth
alexa, field
So what's this dreamwidth thingy about? I have tried to ignore it but people keep mentioning it. Codes? Less advertising? How do I find all my LJ friends on there? HELP!
23rd-Mar-2010 09:39 am - no bicon for me
alexa, field
I have realised I've booked a holiday over BiCon 2010. 24th August-1st September. Doh! I was looking forward to it as well - it being in London is a definite advantage for me, and with all the interesting international attendees too. Still, can't be helped. I am very much looking forward to Norway, Sweden and Denmark - roadtrip! Hell, I'm just looking forward to time off work!
12th-Oct-2009 10:10 pm(no subject)
alexa, field
I'm pretty sure everyone I know on here is related to BiCon, so I won't bother coming out... ;)
6th-Sep-2009 01:21 pm - polyamory
alexa, field
I have been thinking about polyamory some more, and this seems to be the place where I record such thoughts, so...

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29th-Aug-2009 03:31 pm(no subject)
alexa, field
I'm going to be spending the whole weekend working :( I have lots to do. But the thought of spending the whole bank holiday weekend working, when other people seem to be off doing fun things, is not very motivating. I don't want to waste the weekend procrastinating, because then I might as well have gone and done something fun. To be fair I did go and run a couple of experiments 11-1, and then did some cleaning at home. But not started on my To Do list. Argh! Do work Alexa! Coffee first...
25th-Aug-2009 04:26 pm - that post everyone's doing...
alexa, field
If any one would like to say anything to me following BiCon, anonymously or otherwise, do it here :) Comments screened.
24th-Aug-2009 10:03 am(no subject)
alexa, field
A few thoughts on BiCon...

It was different to last year. I knew a lot more people to start with, and I've come away having met a lot more people that I did last year, I think. There were still times when I'd be in the bar or the canteen and not be able to see anyone I knew, or at least, not anyone I knew well enough to go and sit with. But fewer of them. And I did end up sitting with randoms a bit. Something that's relatively easy to do at BiCon.

I went to less of the ice-breaker, get-to-know-you type work shops, and more of the dodgy ones. Room D, oh yeah! They were more interesting. And I certainly learned a few things!!!

Whereas from what I remember, last year was just fun, this year had some difficult bits. Workshops bringing some stuff up, which I won't go into detail about there. Reflecting on polyamory, and how I am really just not polyamorous, never will be and probably don't want to be with anyone who is. Unfortunately, I can't make myself polyamorous any more than I could make myself straight or religious. But it's a bit restrictive in terms of meeting anyone sex/relationship-wise at BiCon. (Which is certainly not the only reason I go. I would go if I was in a monogamous relationship.) There is just no point in my pretending that I'm fine with it, either to myself or to anyone else. This can be difficult to do in practice, because it's not that I don't WANT to be poly - I have no theoretical objection to polyamory, I am sure it often works very well, and I think I might well be happier if I could be polyamorous. The fact is, however, that I am not poly. (Open to "non-monogamy" perhaps.) I don't think this is because I am not open-minded enough, or something like that. The fact is that I can only think about one person at a time. And that, if it changes at all, changes on a scale of weeks or months. If I am interested in one person, I'm not thinking about anyone else or looking at anyone else. So far, I have not been in love with more than one person at a time, although I can't be sure that I couldn't be. I have never felt the need to have multiple serious relationships at the same time. So on my side, I'm not inclined to polyamory. On the other side, I don't want to be with someone who is polyamorous, because that just doesn't seem fair! I don't want to be in an unbalanced relationship like that. I don't think I would be satisfied, I think I would be jealous. Which is a natural reaction, it's healthy even, it's sound in terms of evolutionary biology (particularly for a female, sex difference and all that) - I don't want to feel that there's anything wrong with being jealous or wanting commitment. It was strange to be thinking about this at BiCon because there I'm the exception, whereas of course, in the rest of society, my views on this are "normal". My other friends are all in monogamous relationships and that's not questioned. They just expect that if they're in a relationship it will be monogamous. I think the message from the "Fitting and Misfitting" workshop is supposed to be that it may seem like everyone is kinky and polyamorous, but actually they're not. (I didn't go to it this year, but from what I remember of it from last year.) BUT every single person I met this year was polyamorous. At least everyone whose stickers I looked at, or with whom it came up in conversation. One guy wasn't, but when I expressed my surprise, it turned out that he was in fact polyamorous in practice, just hadn't heard of the word.

This does put me off BiCon a bit. Not enough not to go, but still. It also worries me. This is one of a number of things that make the lovely people at BiCon rather unrepresentative of UK bisexuals, in my opinion. This could put people off. Perhaps that's unlikely, and there is nothing that could be done about it short of a quota system!!! Does anyone have a theory as to why this is? Why is it that of all the UK bisexuals, only 200 want to go to BiCon, and the vast majority of them are polyamorous?
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